i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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