There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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