Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
