On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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