I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize