O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
