Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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