he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
