That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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