Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
