I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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