Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
