We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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