You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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