My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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