Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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