I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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