Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
