Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
