I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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