I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
