I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
