My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
