he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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