I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
