i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
