drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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