If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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