So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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