He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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