ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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