they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
where are you?
Hypothermia
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
