Apparently you make a good broom.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
