Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
