why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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