It's Friday. Sex?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
