dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
