then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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