he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
