I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
