East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
