NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
