So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
