And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
