chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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