I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
