Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
