If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
