I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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