my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize