I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
