So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
