I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
