I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
