So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
