were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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