so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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