ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
