He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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