why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
