is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Randomize