They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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