This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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