just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
