Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
