That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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