I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's paint friendship bongs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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