carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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