Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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