So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
