I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
