No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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