My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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