I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
