I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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