Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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