well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
