How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
