She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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