He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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