honey bunches of taint.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
