he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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