I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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