I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
