I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
