I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
