My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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