Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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