I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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