I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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