yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize