was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
