He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
