It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
